Chapter 1

"I'm hungry"

"Grab a granola bar. We don't have time for breakfast."

"Do we have to go to church this morning?"

"Hurry up! We are running late...again."

"Get in the car!"

"Can you drive any faster?"

"Seriously, just honk at them. They shouldn't be looking down at their phones."

"We are hitting every stinkin' red Light on this road. I hate this road."

"Was that the only clean shirt you had?"

"Okay. Everybody just smile. Remember, we are fine. Nobody needs to know the mess we truly are."

This was once a typical Sunday morning at my house, tripping over one another as we ran around like chickens with our heads cut off, offering jabs of insult and frustration. Our ten minute trip to church felt like a journey of a thousand miles as we navigated city traffic and emotional breakdowns. These were the mornings I questioned whether our marriage could survive. Nevermind the several dark and hellacious events our fragile union had survived; If anything was going to break us, it was getting to church on Sundays.

As we pulled into the church parking lot - ours offered an off-duty police officer and flagging lot attendants...everybody smile and wave - the four of us would take audible deep and cleansing breaths. The tension was real and the messiness of real life needed to be boxed up and saved for later. This was church after all! What do you expect, truth and vulnerability? That's crazy sauce! We were the perfect Christian family and could not fall from the ranks of "having it all together."

Opening the door to one of the three soon to be four buildings, the best smiles we could muster plastered to our faces, we would be slammed with the smell of burnt coffee and floral perfume - obviously not lightly spritzed but rather bathed in only moments before. No goodbyes or catch ya laters, just rolling eyes and frustrated raspberrys blown in response to the overwhelm of the morning, which by the way, it is just now nine.

"Okay kids, see you in three hours. And remember to smile. Oh! And keep those skeletons tightly packed in the closet."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah...ugh."

Off we would all go to our separate corners to fellowship with other "honest" Christians. I am fine, you are fine, we are all fine. That is the magic code word. Fine.

As my husband and I walked into our Sunday School...oh sorry, I mean connection, or rather life group (can't keep up with the rebranding), all eyes turn our way. Secretly they are hoping we can offer them a life line. A way out of the monotony that has become Sunday.

"Morning"

"How are you"

"Fine. You?"

"The family is fine!"

"There are donuts and coffee on the table. Help yourself."

"Great! Thanks!" The church is great in helping me to treat my body as a temple for the Holy Spirit.

Of course, while getting our sugary treats and the caffeine that will stimulate us to look awake during the sermon, we place a check mark next to our names on the attendance sheet. Can't do anything in the church without being tracked. It's all part of being a good little Christian. The more activities you attend the higher your spiritual rank. We all must earn our eternal reward after all.

As we sit, facing forward with the rest row-by-row, prayer requests are being hastily written down on a squeaky white board; lots to get to this morning.

"Pray about our car situation. It's on the fritz again."

"Add my son's girlfriend's mother's friend Lucy. She has been struggling financially."

"Pray that I will stay awake for the sermon today."

"My daughter has finals this week."

"Please pray for the missionary mother and daughter that were kidnapped in Haiti last night." This from our visiting missionary.

At this the room goes silent. He really put a kink in the prayer hose.

Well...at that, we quickly open up in prayer. Again, lot's to get through.

Every Sunday school...I did it again, I mean life group leader is given a binder with the lesson reading and questions. All groups must be on the same page. It is lovingly and controllingly written by the lead pastor. Do not go off course! Which I once asked to do.

Allow me a moment to squirrel and give you the reasons why I could not start an obviously rebellious church sanctioned group:

- We do not allow women leaders in a mixed gender class.

- The curriculum you want to use is written and led by a woman and clearly that is not allowed.

- There would be nobody Spiritually enlightened (educated) enough to answer curious questions.

- You have not been in attendance enough to possibly even ask the church to consider your ability to lead. (We had missed one Sunday. Ooops! My bad.)

Anyway...the lesson was open, and quite honestly I cannot remember the specific lesson of the day. We go through different books of the Bible. I do remember one Sunday the conversation, if you can call a monologue that, was about outreach. The church's main outreach events became the center of attention. Our church does them all, Friend Sunday, Summer Kick-Off, Trunk-or-Treat, and of course the Magnum Opus is Walk Through Bethlehem at Christmas time.

Walk Through Bethlehem is the event of events. It's the event that tests the true grit of a church member. Are you with us or not? Can you give up half your year and all Christmas plans to join this heroic effort? This is the crown jewel that will put all other crowns to shame, if you know what I mean. Other people will be throwing their crowns at the feet of Jesus, but if they lack this jewel...I mean, come on.

Okay, maybe I am being a little dramatic, but I want you to feel the pressure of what it takes to truly belong. That Sunday, not unlike most Sundays, I raised my hand to add my two-cents - at which I always get an elbow jab to my side from my husband. He is just lovingly trying to protect me from the disapproval my comment is about to bring.

"Are not these events just entertainment for the masses? We should have faith that His Word is enough to draw people to Him, not splashy performances."

The response was enough to stand up the hair on the back of my neck and send chills up and down my arms.

"If the pastor has an idea, you just support your pastor. No questions asked."

Hmmm...I feel like I have traveled this road before. Oh yeah! That's right! When I belonged to a cult!

***

As I sit around and look at my fellow classmates, I cannot help but wonder where the excitement has gone. The Gospel message has lost its spark in the hands of institutional religion. I have a deep sense of mourning for those who feel obligated to check all the right boxes and say all the right things at all the right times to earn the badge of "Christian."

We claim to teach a Gospel of grace over works but I cannot help but notice the value we place on the service/work of our fellow church members. The life and joy of receiving Christ has been brought under submission to the doctrine of man. The Word of God records the leaning in of all who heard the good news, like children upon listening to a good story. They hunger in anticipation and cry in excitement for more.

People of all nations, "...were cut to the heart," by the message of Christ and asked, "what shall we do?" Peter responded, "Repent and be baptized every one of you in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins, and you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit (Acts 2:37-38, ESV)."

He did not ask them, Do you really understand? He did not get out his calendar and check for open availability in the baptizmal tub. No! "Those who received his word were baptized (Acts 2:41)."

How dare we slow the work of the Holy Spirit due to the processes our religion demands. What is it to us to make sure they understand? God knows the inner self and will judge accordingly. We just simply...love.

And that's what the original believers did.

"They devoted themselves to the apostles' teaching and the fellowship of the breaking of bread and prayers. And awe came upon every soul, and many

wonders and signs were being done through the apostles. And all who believed were together and had all things in common. And they were selling their possessions and belongings and distributing the proceeds to all, as any had need. And day by day, attending the temple together and breaking bread in their homes, they received their food with glad and generous hearts, praising God and having favor with all the people. And the Lord added to their number day by day those who were being saved."

Can you not feel the devotion? No wonder numbers were being added day-by-day. Who wouldn't want to be a part of something so precious and wholehearted? It was love poured out. Hope become visible. Faith in action. It was an outward witness of God's sacrificial love.

I often meditate on the "things in common." Was it a joy they shared? A life turned upside down but finally rightside up?

I would go to church and see despair. Families in pain. Marriages crumbling. Children depressed. What do we do as a collective? We pray. We offer out-of-context comments such as, "God doesn't give you more than you can handle."

Zombies. Church going zombies. Dead. Constructing the temple and Spiritually deconstructing as in Ezra's day.

I am about to say something that will most likely cause you to shut this book and tuck it away to never be seen again. But it will not leave you alone. It will be like one of those moments in court when the judge says, "strike that from the record." But really, can you? You have already heard it and it will have influence. So consider this your warning before you read on. Blue pill, red pill? If you get it, you get it.

I believe the biggest weapon Satan uses against Christianity is the modern day 'church'.

I can hear the book (or reading tablet) slamming closed now. Blaspheme! But listen closely, as if I am whispering, because this truth deserves to be told in quiet, shoulder patting, grieving comfort...God is not a building and the building is not God. His church is a gathering of believers who find encouragement in each other's company and remove the burden of duty from one another's shoulders. The resources we spend should be given to build up God's people, not build up man's walls.

Today's rendering of church has only existed since the 4th century. 

…in AD 327, Constantine began erecting the first church buildings throughout the Roman Empire…In so doing, he followed the path of the pagans in constructing temples to honor God. (Pagan Christianity. Chapter 2, Frank Viola)

The Christians who first gathered did so in homes and peacefully rejected the industrial religion of the day. Church - Ekklesia - was a gathering of believers who loved on one another and devoted their lives to the sharing of the gospel of grace. It was a scandal of immense freedom.

Freedom from the law, freedom from duty, freedom from 'not good enough.' Jesus came and pushed us out of oncoming traffic and took the hit for us. Love like a parent yet so much more. It's without judgement and without burden.

Tell me the last time you went to 'church' and didn't feel judged or burdened. Maybe you haven't felt that way because you have guarded yourselves with an invisible shield of distance or superpower of invisibility. Don't mind us, we are just sneaking in at the last minute, sitting in the back row, only randomly illuminated by the [adjective]dancing stage lights. We will leave through the side door as soon as the last prayer gives way to an Amen.

You should not have to feel afraid of judgement and carry a burden of guilt. Paul wrote "...Our sufficiency is from God, who has made us sufficient to be ministers [servants] of a new covenant, not of the letter but of the Spirit. For the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life." - 2 Corinthians 3:5b-6 (ESV)

Did you read that last part? The letter kills. If you are sitting in church and feel a weight come on you, a burden of duty, a feeling of 'I am not good enough' or 'I am not doing enough'. This is the death of the letter. It shows us the impossibility of pleasing God. This is the counterfeit light. If we can only do enough to keep the lights on. If they get dim, just add another outreach program, or attend another Bible Study. We are constantly filling cups with holes in the bottom. And the lights continue to flicker. But the Spirit gives life. Let me write that again. This time with an exclamation point. But the Spirit gives life!

When we fellowship in the Spirit, there should be a feeling of joy and excitement. It says 'I don't have to be good enough, because He is.' Understand that, and you will no longer be filling a holy cup (pun was totally intended). As we come to experience His love, our lives will naturally become more glorifying to God. Not because we were guilted or manipulated into obedience. That my friends, is not love. We will want to glorify God because the burden of enough will no longer suffocate the freedom found in grace. This is a light that shines bright without cords and never dims. This is the true light of love unburdened.

'm hungry"

"Grab a granola bar. We don't have time for breakfast."

"Do we have to go to church this morning?"

"Hurry up! We are running late...again."

"Get in the car!"

"Can you drive any faster?"

"Seriously, just honk at them. They shouldn't be looking down at their phones."

"We are hitting every stinkin' red Light on this road. I hate this road."

"Was that the only clean shirt you had?"

"Okay. Everybody just smile. Remember, we are fine. Nobody needs to know the mess we truly are."

This was once a typical Sunday morning at my house, tripping over one another as we ran around like chickens with our heads cut off, offering jabs of insult and frustration. Our ten minute trip to church felt like a journey of a thousand miles as we navigated city traffic and emotional breakdowns. These were the mornings I questioned whether our marriage could survive. Nevermind the several dark and hellacious events our fragile union had survived; If anything was going to break us, it was getting to church on Sundays.

As we pulled into the church parking lot - ours offered an off-duty police officer and flagging lot attendants...everybody smile and wave - the four of us would take audible deep and cleansing breaths. The tension was real and the messiness of real life needed to be boxed up and saved for later. This was church after all! What do you expect, truth and vulnerability? That's crazy sauce! We were the perfect Christian family and could not fall from the ranks of "having it all together."

Opening the door to one of the three soon to be four buildings, the best smiles we could muster plastered to our faces, we would be slammed with the smell of burnt coffee and floral perfume - obviously not lightly spritzed but rather bathed in only moments before. No goodbyes or catch ya laters, just rolling eyes and frustrated raspberrys blown in response to the overwhelm of the morning, which by the way, it is just now nine.

"Okay kids, see you in three hours. And remember to smile. Oh! And keep those skeletons tightly packed in the closet."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah...ugh."

Off we would all go to our separate corners to fellowship with other "honest" Christians. I am fine, you are fine, we are all fine. That is the magic code word. Fine.

As my husband and I walked into our Sunday School...oh sorry, I mean connection, or rather life group (can't keep up with the rebranding), all eyes turn our way. Secretly they are hoping we can offer them a life line. A way out of the monotony that has become Sunday.

"Morning"

"How are you"

"Fine. You?"

"The family is fine!"

"There are donuts and coffee on the table. Help yourself."

"Great! Thanks!" The church is great in helping me to treat my body as a temple for the Holy Spirit.

Of course, while getting our sugary treats and the caffeine that will stimulate us to look awake during the sermon, we place a check mark next to our names on the attendance sheet. Can't do anything in the church without being tracked. It's all part of being a good little Christian. The more activities you attend the higher your spiritual rank. We all must earn our eternal reward after all.

As we sit, facing forward with the rest row-by-row, prayer requests are being hastily written down on a squeaky white board; lots to get to this morning.

"Pray about our car situation. It's on the fritz again."

"Add my son's girlfriend's mother's friend Lucy. She has been struggling financially."

"Pray that I will stay awake for the sermon today."

"My daughter has finals this week."

"Please pray for the missionary mother and daughter that were kidnapped in Haiti last night." This from our visiting missionary.

At this the room goes silent. He really put a kink in the prayer hose.

Well...at that, we quickly open up in prayer. Again, lot's to get through.

Every Sunday school...I did it again, I mean life group leader is given a binder with the lesson reading and questions. All groups must be on the same page. It is lovingly and controllingly written by the lead pastor. Do not go off course! Which I once asked to do.

Allow me a moment to squirrel and give you the reasons why I could not start an obviously rebellious church sanctioned group:

- We do not allow women leaders in a mixed gender class.

- The curriculum you want to use is written and led by a woman and clearly that is not allowed.

- There would be nobody Spiritually enlightened (educated) enough to answer curious questions.

- You have not been in attendance enough to possibly even ask the church to consider your ability to lead. (We had missed one Sunday. Ooops! My bad.)

Anyway...the lesson was open, and quite honestly I cannot remember the specific lesson of the day. We go through different books of the Bible. I do remember one Sunday the conversation, if you can call a monologue that, was about outreach. The church's main outreach events became the center of attention. Our church does them all, Friend Sunday, Summer Kick-Off, Trunk-or-Treat, and of course the Magnum Opus is Walk Through Bethlehem at Christmas time.

Walk Through Bethlehem is the event of events. It's the event that tests the true grit of a church member. Are you with us or not? Can you give up half your year and all Christmas plans to join this heroic effort? This is the crown jewel that will put all other crowns to shame, if you know what I mean. Other people will be throwing their crowns at the feet of Jesus, but if they lack this jewel...I mean, come on.

Okay, maybe I am being a little dramatic, but I want you to feel the pressure of what it takes to truly belong. That Sunday, not unlike most Sundays, I raised my hand to add my two-cents - at which I always get an elbow jab to my side from my husband. He is just lovingly trying to protect me from the disapproval my comment is about to bring.

"Are not these events just entertainment for the masses? We should have faith that His Word is enough to draw people to Him, not splashy performances."

The response was enough to stand up the hair on the back of my neck and send chills up and down my arms.

"If the pastor has an idea, you just support your pastor. No questions asked."

Hmmm...I feel like I have traveled this road before. Oh yeah! That's right! When I belonged to a cult!

***

As I sit around and look at my fellow classmates, I cannot help but wonder where the excitement has gone. The Gospel message has lost its spark in the hands of institutional religion. I have a deep sense of mourning for those who feel obligated to check all the right boxes and say all the right things at all the right times to earn the badge of "Christian."

We claim to teach a Gospel of grace over works but I cannot help but notice the value we place on the service/work of our fellow church members. The life and joy of receiving Christ has been brought under submission to the doctrine of man. The Word of God records the leaning in of all who heard the good news, like children upon listening to a good story. They hunger in anticipation and cry in excitement for more.

People of all nations, "...were cut to the heart," by the message of Christ and asked, "what shall we do?" Peter responded, "Repent and be baptized every one of you in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins, and you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit (Acts 2:37-38, ESV)."

He did not ask them, Do you really understand? He did not get out his calendar and check for open availability in the baptizmal tub. No! "Those who received his word were baptized (Acts 2:41)."

How dare we slow the work of the Holy Spirit due to the processes our religion demands. What is it to us to make sure they understand? God knows the inner self and will judge accordingly. We just simply...love.

And that's what the original believers did.

"They devoted themselves to the apostles' teaching and the fellowship of the breaking of bread and prayers. And awe came upon every soul, and many

wonders and signs were being done through the apostles. And all who believed were together and had all things in common. And they were selling their possessions and belongings and distributing the proceeds to all, as any had need. And day by day, attending the temple together and breaking bread in their homes, they received their food with glad and generous hearts, praising God and having favor with all the people. And the Lord added to their number day by day those who were being saved."

Can you not feel the devotion? No wonder numbers were being added day-by-day. Who wouldn't want to be a part of something so precious and wholehearted? It was love poured out. Hope become visible. Faith in action. It was an outward witness of God's sacrificial love.

I often meditate on the "things in common." Was it a joy they shared? A life turned upside down but finally rightside up?

I would go to church and see despair. Families in pain. Marriages crumbling. Children depressed. What do we do as a collective? We pray. We offer out-of-context comments such as, "God doesn't give you more than you can handle."

Zombies. Church going zombies. Dead. Constructing the temple and Spiritually deconstructing as in Ezra's day.

I am about to say something that will most likely cause you to shut this book and tuck it away to never be seen again. But it will not leave you alone. It will be like one of those moments in court when the judge says, "strike that from the record." But really, can you? You have already heard it and it will have influence. So consider this your warning before you read on. Blue pill, red pill? If you get it, you get it.

I believe the biggest weapon Satan uses against Christianity is the modern day 'church'.

I can hear the book (or reading tablet) slamming closed now. Blaspheme! But listen closely, as if I am whispering, because this truth deserves to be told in quiet, shoulder patting, grieving comfort...God is not a building and the building is not God. His church is a gathering of believers who find encouragement in each other's company and remove the burden of duty from one another's shoulders. The resources we spend should be given to build up God's people, not build up man's walls.

Today's rendering of church has only existed since the 4th century. 

…in AD 327, Constantine began erecting the first church buildings throughout the Roman Empire…In so doing, he followed the path of the pagans in constructing temples to honor God. (Pagan Christianity. Chapter 2, Frank Viola)

The Christians who first gathered did so in homes and peacefully rejected the industrial religion of the day. Church - Ekklesia - was a gathering of believers who loved on one another and devoted their lives to the sharing of the gospel of grace. It was a scandal of immense freedom.

Freedom from the law, freedom from duty, freedom from 'not good enough.' Jesus came and pushed us out of oncoming traffic and took the hit for us. Love like a parent yet so much more. It's without judgement and without burden.

Tell me the last time you went to 'church' and didn't feel judged or burdened. Maybe you haven't felt that way because you have guarded yourselves with an invisible shield of distance or superpower of invisibility. Don't mind us, we are just sneaking in at the last minute, sitting in the back row, only randomly illuminated by the [adjective]dancing stage lights. We will leave through the side door as soon as the last prayer gives way to an Amen.

You should not have to feel afraid of judgement and carry a burden of guilt. Paul wrote "...Our sufficiency is from God, who has made us sufficient to be ministers [servants] of a new covenant, not of the letter but of the Spirit. For the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life." - 2 Corinthians 3:5b-6 (ESV)

Did you read that last part? The letter kills. If you are sitting in church and feel a weight come on you, a burden of duty, a feeling of 'I am not good enough' or 'I am not doing enough'. This is the death of the letter. It shows us the impossibility of pleasing God. This is the counterfeit light. If we can only do enough to keep the lights on. If they get dim, just add another outreach program, or attend another Bible Study. We are constantly filling cups with holes in the bottom. And the lights continue to flicker. But the Spirit gives life. Let me write that again. This time with an exclamation point. But the Spirit gives life!

When we fellowship in the Spirit, there should be a feeling of joy and excitement. It says 'I don't have to be good enough, because He is.' Understand that, and you will no longer be filling a holy cup (pun was totally intended). As we come to experience His love, our lives will naturally become more glorifying to God. Not because we were guilted or manipulated into obedience. That my friends, is not love. We will want to glorify God because the burden of enough will no longer suffocate the freedom found in grace. This is a light that shines bright without cords and never dims. This is the true light of love unburdened.